on serving self

I'm selfish

with one or two exceptions, I've never been wholly dedicated to myself, and yet recently I've noticed that I have become increasingly insular. Is this part of getting older? Is it because my wife is pregnant with our first child? The realization that this transition is occurring is fascinating for two reasons: firstly, it is entirely predictable, I would imagine, from an external party. I was just married and becoming a father. It isn't exactly a great leap to say that I would instinctively nest a bit at this point. The fascinating thing is that, were I analyzing someone else in this situation, I would have come to this conclusion and likely judged myself rather harshly. The fact that the mundane predictability of it, despite the history of my nature, would in the end apply directly to me is, to me, quite interesting. The second point is related to the first: throughout my life I've been known to feel great empathy for, well, just about anyone (or thing). The veer towards the crotchety lately gives me pause; one more reminder about the inevitability of the various stages of the human condition, and thus another reminder of my own mortality.

this just in: people not doing what they claim to do

a new fence? sure!

nice low quote from a "guy my neighbor knows" and vouches for. around $2000 lower than the next lowest number, to be exact. Why not?

Downpayment for materials? sure! here you go! what's that? you didn't add in something for something that you can't quite explain to me? another $500? sure!

meanwhile

hey, Mike, thanks for giving us the time of day. you do great work. just to show you that we appreciate it, we'll pay you twice as much up front as we agreed to pay. schedule? well, we'll probably be done in a few months, right? it's january, we'll have everything done by the summer and things will be right as rain, right?

Mike.

Mike?

Mike!

you haven't been to the house in three months. are you there? do you want to finish the job? do you want the rest of your money? things must be swimming in your household. what's that? you decided to do 3 other jobs before you finish ours? why? oh, I see: no good reason, we're just not that important. I see. well, at least that explains that.

I apparently have a target on my back, along with a sign that reads, "Please take advantage of this congenial loser."

sillius sodus

you know what's not a whole helluva lot of fun? pulling up sod from a lawn.

oh well, at least I'm not the only one